Label: The Depths Of Hell
TL;DR: RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN/10
‘If you like Swagger Jagger, or wish to listen to it, shoot yourself.’
After completely failing to grab the hearts of the British public in the X Factor, Cheryl Cole-lite Cher Lloyd is infact shoved down our throats once again with ‘her’ effort, the worst song in the entire world Swagger Jagger.
We are first gifted with an autotuned yet still blood-curdling solo vocal performance from Cher herself, singing the words Swagger Jagger in an anthemic way, before condemning everybody as nerds with no ‘swagger’ and to go get some of our own. I didn’t know chavvy people even had swagger, and surely the only person allowed to call themselves Swagger Jagger is an individual named Mick? She also mentions that we should also ‘get out of her face’ but I don’t think anybody was so in love to be that close to her, unless they were wielding bricks.
The beat of the song is completely overdone to the point of it featuring on the track by the geniuses who star in The Only Way Is Essex. But you know, it gets me chunking or whatever it’s called to be forgiven. The lyrics of Swagger Jagger have seemingly been created by the same dribbling brain-deads who came up with the songs title.
If you like Swagger Jagger, or wish to listen to it, shoot yourself. It’s the only way possible to save your souls, warn your friends and family members that they will burn in hell once they hear those two words. And if you don’t like that, I’ve got two words for ya…